The Last Song

How to save a life

2006-10-24T17:00:00.000+08:00

with many tears and condolensces, please relocate me @ Http://www.paintkisser.blogspot.com

No promises

2006-10-19T00:24:00.000+08:00

"Badly in need of rest and relaxation, freedom from conflict, and the chance to recover. Wants to protect herself against destructive and exhausting influences. Longs for security and freedom from problems. Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, and she is distressed by the lack of any close and understanding relationship or adequate appreciation. She attempts to escape from this into a stable and secure environment in which she can relax and feel more contented."

(& there's nothing i think i can do about it all, to change the way i'm feeling right now. i did try to tell you, to bring it across. maybe you just didn't understand.)

Marry my stalker

2006-10-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

(to the song of "Stalker" by Goldfinger)
oh, oh, oh, she's the best that you've got,
oh, oh, oh, she's wise and she's hot!
oh, oh, oh, st nicks will be a star,
if you vota, if you vota,
if you vota lisa!!!!

everyone, vota lisa (or jean) & jacq for head prefect & head monitor respectively! (btw, jacq & chords, get well soon!)

good job to all those running for hp/hm! i especially liked lisa's item (of course), jacq's item (the yellow raincoat one) and jean toad's item (the blue cheer + buttons).

today, the 17th of october, it's a good day! first, let me tell you what's so great about the number 17. on one of my cds, track 17 is the song "good day" by the click five. when you hear/see the number 17, it just pops out at you, telling you that it's a lucky number. it's great also because 17 consists of the number 7. furthermore, 1 + 7 = 8 and in the lunar calculations or whatever, 8 is a lucky number. 17 (Seventeen) is the name of my favourite magazine. the 17th of every month is also a really, really special date, and this is the biggest reason why i love the number 17 :)

election rally today was sucessful & damn fun. i'm glad i didn't screw up the drumming of the vota lisa cheer! then after that was combined class talentime with the sec twos. three dillies were with two dillies doing 'At the beginning' by Richard Marx, and although we didn't win, we had fun :P

the climax of the day was probably jamming with toad, mijie, ally, chia, yuai, loo, abby, jana during recess! it's absolutely fun-tastic!!!!!!!!!!! (this really makes me miss, as in M-I-S-S miss, hollaback jamming & this also makes me miss drum lessons that i put off due to exam break.)

to-do list:

invitations for nat & char's birthday party
chinese mock papers 1 & 2
~~ld telephone relay system~~
ld committee t-shirt designs
ld camp list by 23rd october

by the way, someone is pissing me off so damn badly. please mind your own business. control your bigmouth and stop spreading false rumours that affect my life. thank you very, very much, ****er.

Reach for the stars

2006-10-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

reach for the stars
climb ever mountain higher!

haha, guess i'm feeling really happy after feeling really down. you probably won't understand this. but yeah, sorry jamie & sorry kelly for everything.

JAMIE: to the dearest jamie "mr james perv." and favourite sitting partner ever, sorry for acting as if i didn't care about you or your birthday. just to let you know, i did wanted to celebrate your birthday with you, on the actual day, but i couldn't skip school like you did because i had a performance in the morning, and you had wade robson after that. i guess you were pretty happy after that because of the photo you had with utt and all.

i'm sorry if you thought that i was just so involved with my own love life that i didn't care about you. yeah, i do care about my friends and i'll make it up to you somehow! i figured i wasn't exactly the best listener to your problems (maybe because you don't have problems!) and i wasn't there for you during your birthday, but i hope even though i haven't given you any present yet (i will, don't worry), you shouldt know that a birthday isn't a birthday without wishes (happy birthday jamie!), and that a birthday doesn't always mean presents.

i guess 13 october 2006 was probably the best birthday for you so far because you celebrated your birthday with your dance clique at swissotel and wade robson concert, but yeah, i just wanted to tell you that i appreciate you for being there for me when i needed, and that you're a great listener. thanks for being such a great friend throughout this year. 3 diligence won't be half as fun without you & 'sexual reproduction' around.

you know how much fun i have with you. yeah, i get pissed with you sometimes and you get annoyed with me too, but as fast as the temper comes, it goes and moments later, guess we're laughing away to little lame inside jokes of our own. we can talk about aa batteries and laugh away, you bring loads of fun into school, and i thank you for all that.

so, i guess featuring you in my blog would make you happy! this isn't a mere one paragraph that you complained last time! it's like, the whole post. jamie jessica ng jie mei, be satisfied, honoured and happy! although 13 october is over, once again, i wish you a happy birthday and i hope you did enjoy yourself of 13 october, lucky friday. happy birthday james :)

talking about birthdays, happy birthday to wangling, xinyi & soopong!

KELLY: hey baby, thanks for coming all the way down to talk things out with me. thanks for everything you've done for me. i'm sorry i couldn't control myself and started to cry!!!!!!! haha. but the talk kinda made me feel so much better after that. really, i'm sorry for putting you through so much and i think you just got damn pissed that you didn't eat dinner right? next time, pissed or not, eat your dinner alright. you work magic lah, and yeah the cops kinda freaked me out :< the cops are probably in bed now, so baby, sleep tight & goodnight. sweet dreams dear, i love you <3

Lips of an angel

2006-10-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

the past few mornings when school's in the afternoon, i lock myself in my room. i play the same few familiar songs with my cup of almost diabetic coffee next to me, and believe it or not, i think studying is actually quite enjoyable.

i love the rewarding feeling of how you've studied selected chapters and it comes out heavy in the papers. i hope i'll do well this round of end of years exams. if not, both lisatg & i shall be retained, seeing we've screwed up 4 papers already, (+ art & amaths, make that 6.)

i think i might be changing over to lifejournal soon. i like their emocons! hmm i'm feeling emo-high!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm but then again, maybe not emo-high. i'm in a emo-spot mood, i can sit and stare and think. in this kind of mood i'm best alone or probably with my baby (talking about her, i miss her. i haven't seen her for 24 hours!), but i definitely can't do without music. have you ever wondered what the world would be like without music?

i'm missing many things. people from the past like last year's chewy kids. i've been thinking about our friendship and i'm wondering when would the time be when we've drifted so far apart that we don't even say hi but walk past each other like we've never known each other? please tell me that won't happen.

i'm also wondering what it would be like next year after graduation. i wonder how red badge's graduation would be like. i wonder how i'll do for 'O's. i wonder what junior college would accept me. i wonder what i will become in the future. i wonder what my life would be like if i wasn't in st. nicks. i wonder if nothing happened and i was still a young, innocent baby of 7 years old. i wonder what its like if i left the world, i wonder how the world carries on. i wonder who will miss me and who wouldn't. i wonder what happens when i'm 21 years. i wonder what it would be like without music. i wonder if all my wishes came true. hmm (you see jules deep in thought.)

haha. no lah, i'm not that emo.

literature paper tomorrow, i haven't started studying yet and now's like 11:46pm. so i'll get up at 8am tomorrow morning and do my best, like i've done so the past two mornings with my cup of coffee. hmm maybe now i know the taste of bitter sweetness.

moley dinner on tuesday after art exam! (but i hope i won't get too tired after the busy preparations done for art the previous day.)

well, my girls in the next room
sometimes i wish she was you
i guess we never really moved on
it’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
it sounds so sweet
coming from the lips of an angel
hearing those words it makes me weak
and i never wanna say goodbye
but girl you make it hard to be faithful
with the lips of an angel

this song's been on replay on my playlist. i think hinder's voice is kinda sexy :P

Blind

2006-10-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

Music: Lifehouse - Blind

i was young but i wasn't naive
i watched helpless as she turned around to leave
and still i have the pain i have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
i never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but i couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that i loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when i let you go

i would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
i never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but i couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that i loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when i let you go

Dawson's creek

2006-09-30T21:08:00.000+08:00

"i will protect you and take care of you forever."
"what if the world came to an end but because of our perservering spirit, we're the only two that survives?"

watching drama serials with ultimate sweetness and cheesy scenes makes me melt. (everyone goes awwwwww.)

August in bethany

2006-09-30T11:41:00.000+08:00

green man, that song below (the impact of reason by underoath), it's for you. i need a reason to why our friendship is broken, i want so badly to patch it up but i don't know how to. the impact of reason. i'm sorry if i did anything wrong but i just wanted you to know, i miss talking to you, i miss laughing with you, i miss the heart-to-heart talks that we share. the worst of it all, i miss you.

let's see what work i've completed?
NOTHING. NIL. ZERO. fuck.

i'm putting my all in front of you. i don't want to get hurt this time, i'm afraid of what i've to go through, but for you, and with you, i wouldn't mind it all. but sometimes, i care so much for you, and you don't seem to care at all.

guess it hurts me when you do little insignificant things for yourself and not for me. it hurts when you seem not to care at all, and i'm here laying my heart for you.

"with the sounds of the ocean crashing
7:30 friday evening
everything comes tumbling down
i choke back each tear that bleeds"

sometimes, i think i'm losing myself.

The impact of reason

2006-09-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

prop open the door
i can actually see my breath tonight
but that doesn't mean i'm breathing
crack a smile just for the sake of it
this could take a while
a long while

silence is golden especially in this case

i'm not too sure that i want it to be this way
open mouth closed eyes
no words are escaping
it's all a blur
it's too dark to see
ain't it pretty the way it all streaks together at night
together at night

i think its time to turn around
i really want to go home tonight
i think its time to turn around
i really want to go home tonight

i feel like this is going nowhere
i feel like this is going nowhere
try to think of something quick
and trust the direction of the driver

no lights, no signs
i'm at a loss for words
no lights, no signs
i'm at a loss for words

now conversation sparks
what an easy way to break the ice
now conversation sparks
what an easy way to break the ice

Another perfect day

2006-09-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

i'm holding on waiting for your call
it's simple but i can't explain this
i'm sinking down i feel like i could die
i'm falling off i don't know why

i still believe it when you say
it's another perfect day
another perfect day

so i might try to leave it all behind
i know tommorow's not so bright now
i'll say goodbye cause nothing good can last
(you wear and figured no where fast)
and today i don't know how too keep it all inside
but i guess i'll let it slide

today i don't know why
i thought that it was real
but i guess it's no big deal

i don't know how
i don't know how
to let it slide

Reinventing your exit

2006-09-25T22:22:00.000+08:00

today was one of the weirdest days ever. i could be so happy one moment, laughing away at mr james, and i could be so annoyed at the other moment, being damn irritated by the same old mr james. but i guess that's what brings life to our friendship, it's the mood swings and all the laughing at "i did sexual reproduction yesterday with the whole (biology) class with miss lim supervising."

another thing i wanted to say was that, i'd like to congratulate myself for having a longest lasting blog ever. when i was doing up the archives, i noticed that thelast-song.blogspot lasted for 3 months! i guess so much has been happening that, in a blink of an eye, 3 months have passed.

quotes vivien, "heaven's not the place that you go when you die, it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive."

on a heavier note, i didn't get to see my cheesy shit today, and i miss her truckloads. please cheer up dear, i love you! don't let bothersome people bother your day, it's not worth the bother :)

on the heaviest note, eoys is in one day (excluding today.)

to all those running the eoys marathon:
we learn to run at speed of light
& to fall down from many heights
it's true but just remember that
what we do is what you just can do

we are the cartoon heroes, oh oh oh
we are the ones who're gonna last forever
we came out of our crazy mind, oh oh oh
& what a town and a feza, baby!

ALL THE BEST.

Bleed black

2006-09-23T17:53:00.000+08:00

hello there,
i'm selfish, i'm wrong.
sorry for all the hurt that i've caused you.
so i'll take all the blame for you..
always and forever?

ps: you've caused me hurt too.

I'd give up forever to touch you

2006-09-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

we'll do it all
everything
on our own

we don't need
anything
or anyone

i'm falling, falling, falling, falling.. and you're catching, saving, saving, saving me. really, like a ferris wheel, the moment you're down, the next thing you know, you're up there again.

forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden that's bursting into life

all that i am
all that i ever was
is here in your perfect eyes,
they're all i can see

"there are two stars missing in the sky, but i found them in your eyes."
"you must have farted because you blew me away."
"i'd take your picture to send to santa and tell him what i want for christmas."

i don't know where
confused about how as well
just know that these things
will never change for us at all

if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

what if?
what ifs'?
-

jean toad, hang in there. you can pull through all this, i know you can! he's looking down on you, watching you and praying for you. so don't let your friends, family and the most, don't let him down. i know it's hard to concentrate and focus on the end of years exams, but you must try. you can do it dear, i have faith in you. love, the master :)

Jesus take the wheel

2006-09-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

Mr James Pervert (aka jamiej) and i shared this horribly hilarious inside joke. this is how it goes, "i did sexual reproduction yesterday." you'd probably not understand it because it is, after all an inside joke. if you're dying with a burning desire to know this joke, because it is, after all, horribly hilarious, you can ask me or Mr James P (i'm nice not to mention her surname.)

anyway, this is the sweetest shit ever: "my little mango (: thanks fer everything last night. your wrong frequencies make you unique. and one more thing, i think you're a really beautiful person. its not what people say, that gets you through your day. you know yourself the best, you know the untruthfulness of this mess. deep inside, you know whats real. you know what you really feel. you're so much more if you believe, than they make you out to be." :)

you know, sometimes, everything's piled on you, your friends, your studies, your love life etc. and all you're supposed to be is to be feeling so damn stressed and frantic and in my case, panicking because the end of years are in exactly a week's time. but somehow, my sense of urgency's not there and i'm still enjoying life.

and no matter how bad my day have been today, i'm smiling. cheesy shit, smiley smiley smile alright? i love you dear :)

Superman Kryptonite

2006-09-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

although you've snatched my pride away from me, superheroes don't cry.

My alien

2006-09-18T00:42:00.000+08:00

I am Superman.

Superman says:
do you have to be with you
lie here with me and we'd watch the stars says:
duh i have to be with myself
Superman says:
as in the song haha!!!!
Superman says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Superman says:
so do you have to be with you or not????
Superman says:
hahahahahahahahahahah
lie here with me and we'd watch the stars says:
yes
lie here with me and we'd watch the stars says:
if not with who?

Superman says:
(JABS JABS)
lie here with me and we'd watch the stars says:
LIKE
lie here with me and we'd watch the stars says:
whats hat for ?
lie here with me and we'd watch the stars says:
hahaha
Superman says:
a hat is for wearing on you head, kel
lie here with me and we'd watch the stars says:
TSK
Superman says:
HAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

i love the silly way she is :)

Chasing cars

2006-09-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

17 September is a beautiful date :)

if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

by the way, it's impossible to diet with kelly portscher (the ultimate cheesy shit/sweet shit wannabe!) around :P

i'd give you my hand
if you'd reach out and grab it
let's walk away from this hell :)

psssssssst, i'm really, really grinning right now. i'm just a kid, and life ain't a nightmare <3

Take me to your heart

2006-09-14T00:11:00.000+08:00

for abby's uploaded photos for my birthday with bang bangs, click here :>

take me to your heart take me to your soul
give me your hand and hold me
show me what love is, be my guiding star
it's easy take me to your heart

cheesy shit, i'll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall. i'll be there for you, like i've been there before. i'll be there for you, like you were there for me too :) you know, sometimes life ain't that complicated as you think. if you have any troubles, sometimes it'll be better if you just thrash it out at our little msn window! (garagantuan laughs) we are supermen. thanks for the song above. you! don't think so much, it doesn't do you good. ayeeeeee :>

Superman

2006-09-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

i headed down to macs today after school to study with cheesy shit, and annoying abby and jumpy jessalynn came to join us :)

to all my friends out there struggling with work, no stress!

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i am going to lower pierce soooooooon!

Welcome to wherever you are

2006-09-08T20:10:00.000+08:00

cheesy shit, thanks, for the song.
it's great knowing you :)
from sweet shit <3
-
Bon Jovi: Welcome to wherever you are

maybe we're all different
but we're still the same
we all got the blood of eden
running through our veins
i know sometimes it's hard for you to see
you're caught between just who you are
and who you want to be
if you feel alone and lost and need a friend
remember every new beginning
is some beginning's end

welcome to wherever you are
this is your life, you made it this far
welcome, you got to believe
that right here right now
you're exactly where you're supposed to be
welcome to wherever you are

when everybody's in and you're left out
and you feel drowning in a shadow of the dawn
everyone's a miracle in their own way
just listen to yourself, not what other people say
when it seems you're lost alone and feeling down
remember everybody's different
just take a look around

everyone's a hero, everyone's a star
when you want to give up
and your heart's about to break
remember that you're perfect
god makes no mistakes

One day, a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down and hand it up to her. That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispers, "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and "I didn't know others liked me so much."

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. The church was packed with his friends. One by one, those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, a man came up to her.

"Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked.
She nodded, "Yes."
Then he said, "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the bill fold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said, "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said, "It's in my diary." Then Vicky, another classmate, reached into her purse and showed her frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicky said and without batting an eyelash, she continued, "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late. :)

what if you died tomorrow? (corpusles, aha)

Without wood

2006-09-05T02:54:00.000+08:00

"you can't just pull me out of your life and throw me away."

and below the heimongmong, all along the ground, were weeds already spilling out over the edges, running wild in every direction.

Always and forever

2006-09-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

if there's one thing i will miss, it'll be fiaalbov (fire, ice & a little bit of vice). how i wish we could go back in time.

ld's secondary 4 farewell party on 31 august. great job to the committee who slogged it through with me, great job to the secondary 1s who did such a good job in their skit, great job to ld who put in so much effort for the farewell! i'm really proud of you all.

you know, it's my last job as a.vp 2006 and i did the best of my ability, and i'm really proud to say that this whole farewell party is my goodbye and my present to all you seniors. i will greatly miss you all, the times we had together, the days through "thick and thin, trials and tribulations." but i guess it's only time that you move on. if everyone were to stay, the world will never revolve into something new.

i'm sitting here,
i'm thinking back
to a time when i was you
my memory is clear as day

all i can say, is just that you take care of yourself and i want to let you know, that you'll always and forever be in my heart. you'll always mean something to me, no matter what happens and how old we become, because you're special, and always and forever, i love you.

i said i thank you, i'll always thank you,
more than you would know than i could ever show
and i love you, i'll always love you
there's nothing i won't do to say these words to you
that you're beautiful forever

Come what may

2006-08-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

the last few days have been really, really, loads of fun and enjoyment, and it's all thanks to my beloved friends, namely manda! lisa! andrea! ada! rah! elee! yongs! mariel! jamiej! gonghua! loo! bee! abby! ong! wangling! diana! > :)

thanks abby, abby chang, ada, ally, andrea, bee, char, chew, chris, cords, denis, diana, eleanor, eliza, esther, gonghua, iggy, jamiej, jean, jess, joanna, jiemin, julian, justin, kelly, lisatg, loo, manda, mariel, michelle, mivio, neek, nicole, ong, rah, sarah chay, sarah yip, shanna, shannon, sophie, stacey, uly, vivien, wangling, wanting, yingqi, yongs & everyone else for wishing :)

sunday} a sum up of events:
julia's birthday :D jamie, loo, gonghua, mariel, 'small feet me' lady @ xcessorize, church guitar, agent cody banks, r&b (& yellow) presents in a hat, eugene's undies, one embarrassing moment, mango-'cake', belt/bracelet/earrings, playgrounds: swings/slide/seesaw, hanging upside down, rolly-whatever-you-call-that-thing, lots of talking/exchanging of information, hell load of fun, lots of love <3

monday} a sum up of events:
accomodation + smiles for good service (jamie & my inside joke), lisatg's constant distraction, lisatg, manda, ada, andrea, rah, elee, yongs, gonghua, mariel, milo balls, my huge chocolate cake, sugar-flour roses, cardboard serviets, photographs, lots of love, night study, food sounds, gargantuan laughter <3

the ultimate birthday girl (aka julia) in her gigantic hat :)

me, jamie, gonghua!

me, mariel, gonghua!

mariel & me!

loo (eating lychee pop) & me!

sad singapore & happy russia :>

mango-cake!

artistic shot by the u.b.g :]

swings!

me & sitting partner, jamiej :)

loo & gonghua!

moley rocks <3

the lovely chocolate cake!

botak ball/soulmate/art part & me :)

rah-ha-ha & me :)

me & exbestie :)

hot sisterrrrr & me :)

andrea & me :)

yongs & me :)

moley rocks <3

i love moleys!

thank you everyone. it really was, afterall, one of the best birthdays ever. i love you all :)

& NOW TO OFFICIALLY START MUGGING. (on hiatus)

Santa monica

2006-08-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

thank you, bangbangs for the lovely presents! thanks for spending today with me, it was really lots of love today! here are some of my favourite photos. i'll upload the rest tomorrow. abby (chicks) the good photographer has the rest of the photos!

i'm really happy i have such good friends with me, and not forgetting my mysterious girl ;)

bang bangs + me (the ultimate birthday girl) <3

bestie!!!

ong the favourite shopping part :>

flabby arms chicky chicks!

hot sisterrrrr :)

me, my red & blue cow, bestie <3

my red & blue candle on my birthday cheesecake!

my artistic shot of bee & andrea ;)

these people bring love <3

a sum up of today: com item rehearsals in the morning, feet aches, marche to the village, roxy wallet, reef slippers, bang bangs (excluding ada/manda), crepe, rosti, (uneatable) seafood, moomoo card, 3052 mrt carriage, pae/phi/pee-dophiles, baby siti, hilarious/peals of laughter, cheesecake, sucks, birthday song, happy memories, lots of love :)

My heart's on overdrive

2006-08-25T22:52:00.000+08:00

happy 15th to the belated & earlies- jean toad, yingqi, iggy, chew, emain!

i don't know why but i can't stop smiling today!

plus my birthday's in two days!
whoopeedoo, all's uphill from here :)

My escape

2006-08-22T00:10:00.000+08:00

you're running as fast as you can, running for your life in this tunnel so dark that you can't even see your hands. how you got into this tunnel, you can't remember. or maybe, you just couldn't think clearly. you never could think clearly at situations like these. you won't stop running even though you have no clue what or who you're running away from.

it's pitch black and the darkness is gradually engulfing you, swallowing you in. you feel helpless and lost, you've got no idea where you're stepping, and you trip and fall. nobody's there to catch you, no one's there to tell you that everything is alright. you start to cry, almost all hope lost.

but suddenly, through those crystal-like tear drops, you see a tiny speck of light, beckoning for you to pick yourself up from the fall. and this little speck of light, it's hope. soon, you know you're on the right track, and you're moving on.

it's all in the mind.

The anthem

2006-08-19T20:06:00.000+08:00

i'm absolutely, positively, negatively sure that i'm going to have the lousiest birthday of my life this year.

From every heart you break

2006-08-18T20:02:00.000+08:00

thanks diana, jean, lisa & chun :)

what is happiness? kelly asked me, "when was the last time you felt truly free and happy?" and i'm really not sure.

and i need you

and i miss you

and now i wonder

i go to school, i laugh with my friends, i work hard to pass my tests.. it's the same old routine as back when i was sec one, sec two, but nothing feels the same anymore. i feel lonely and empty inside and when i laugh/smile, i can say i'm never fully happy.

if i could fall

into the sky

do you think time

would pass me by

cause you know i'd walk a thousand miles

if i could just see you tonight

i don't know, when i saw that rainbow, i went back again into indulging in my memories. recently, i've been twice as many relapses of those beautiful memories and i don't think i can hold out much longer. everyone tells me to be strong. i watch movies with such happy endings, and then my heart breaks again.

it's always times like these
when i think of you
and i wonder
if you ever think of me

i don't know how long more i have to take before i get over this entire episode, and every morning i tell myself, "today is the day," but somehow, it turns out all wrong again. soon, it's going to be one month since then, and i'm not looking forward to it at all.

cause everything's so wrong
and i don't belong
living in your precious memory

and i, i don't wanna let you know
i, i drown in your memory
i, i don't wanna let this go
i, i've fallen...

Give me novacaine

2006-08-14T18:35:00.000+08:00

damn i'm think i'm sick. my tummy hurts & i'm feeling nauseous. i need to puke ughhhhh. tell me it's not gastric please!

Breathe (2am)

2006-08-14T02:03:00.000+08:00

lost- have you seen gavrielle's bike?

a black and metallic blue extronica bike with a yellow bell and a half-suspension. was last seen tied up outside gavrielle's house at block 165 tampines street 12. it was stolen during the night between 12 midnight and 7am on wednesday, 2nd august.

she appeals to anyone with information on her bike, or have seen anyone with it, to call 91116185/96205097. this bike means a lot to her. thank you.
-
haha i was checking my mailbox (70 new messages!) and i saw this. sorry i posted it so late. i hope you find your bike, gavrielle :> if you're wondering why i'm up so late it's because i'm doing stupid last minute project work. i'm so pissed off with a few people who are so irresponsible but at least, it's not so bad with jean toad's company :)

i am so sleepy! annoyed! pissed! stressed! tired! depressed! hungry! lonely! bored! occupied! thirsty! petrified! worried! afraid! frightened! happy! weird-mood! unthinkable! dozing!

sorry, i am really not insane. just sometimes only.

On the brink of our lives

2006-08-13T13:04:00.000+08:00

Rascal Flatts: "What hurts the most"

i can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
that don't bother me
i can take a few tears now and then
and just let them out
i'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
even though going on with you gone
still upsets me
there are days every now and again
i pretend i'm okay
but that's not what gets me

what hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what i was trying to do

it's hard to deal with the pain
of losing you everywhere i go
but i'm doing it
it's hard to force that smile
when i see our old friends and i'm alone
still harder
getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
but i know if i could do it over
i would trade give away all the words
that i saved in my heart
that i left unspoken
-
ooh i'm so fricking pissed that i think i'm going to have a B.F. bye world.

Paint a smile and pretend

2006-08-13T00:06:00.000+08:00

The Starting Line: "Decisions, decisions"

i can't wait for this to end
and leave tonight behind us
i'm unsettled letting go of you
and sleeping the night in silence

this letdown falls along with me
onto my bed while rolling over so
break my heart and break my fall

don't kiss him and cover all the
memories you had of me the last time
i saw you you were standing by his side
the last time you saw me was through
your closed eyes as i'm waiting by the phone

he loves you?
who loves you more?
to let you go?

i can wait until my heart mends
so i can finally go outside
and i tell myself,"Well ken,
it's better to have lost love
then paint a smile and pretend"

the last time i saw you
you were standing by his side
the last time you saw me
was in a crumbled photograph
that missed the bin

he loves you?
who loves you more
to let you go?
-
FFFFFFF i feel sick. again.

There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach

2006-08-11T01:57:00.000+08:00

yucks, yucks i'm having cold sores!

words to sum today up: loo's house, big chinese project, sad water book (haha), ally, jean, loo, yuai (new gay partner), pictures, acting, wishing stairs, high school musical, gabriella's monkey face (at a certain angle), dressing up, basement, lao-sai, delicious/fattening pizza.

oh whoopeedoo, there's school tomorrow.

Perhaps love

2006-08-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

happy national day! happy 41st to singapore!

an entire new layout to celebrate the national day, although it isn't really patriotic because it's more of red and blue than red and white.

yesterday: national day's eve and it was quite happening. the secondary threes were chased away from the spectators' stand to the roof garden. to think, next year would be my last year in st nicks celebrating national day. one sad smiley :(

three diligence won the fancy dress competition with our fabulous moustache that everyone should give credit to fabulous jamiej & me! haha. and of course, the prab's theme & indian/malay outfit. great emceeing to wl, diana & sarah! good job to the national day actresses from eldds! ld rocks socks.

anyway, after the whole celebration was ld elections for one hour. discussion of the date of secondary four farewell party which i suddenly felt really sad because i don't want my seniors to leave, sigh.

on a lighter note, lots of photos!

me, wl, diana <3

dynamic duo + julia ng xinya!

diana and me!

wl, diana and me were the last to leave the mpr. diana came to my house and she finally watched the superb high school musical! strange to say, i'm not sick of it. yet. i love it like hell! then we watched friends. haha, i love friends, it's damn hilarious :>

later, dad fetched me to plaza singapura for drums but i didn't go for drums. i should have gone because yongs, elee and rah only came at 7pm! we were actually supposed to meet in town but i left my wallet at home, hence completely cashless and transport-less. so i called elee and they came to fetch me to esplanade area. i met quite a few sn girls at plaza sing. sonia, cheryl, michelle and some unknown chinese scholar, haha.

so elee, yongs, rah and me went to esplanade to meet ada. we got this great spot in this restaurant because ada's dad bribed the waiter to let us in! hahaha it was hilarious lah. the fireworks display was super. damn i loved it, and i want to watch it again! ah i love fireworks!

lisatg joined us only after the fireworks, and then we went to elee's house to have an unhealthy but delicious supper (slurpee & tomyam maggie mee). it was 11pm already and strangely, my mum didn't say anything about it. we went to the playground and rah left, then lisa, yongs and ada left too. then me! haha. thanks elee for waiting with me :)

photos! click here for more.

moley rocks <3

whoopeedoo!

hard time opening elee's eyes!

the awesome fireworks display at marina bay!

eliza, i've missed you! take care of your health and enjoy your holiday break. get well soon dear, i'll see you in school soon :)

moleys, fireworks yesterday was really awesome! i want to have the oriental experience! haha. thanks to elee for the supper! i loved the korean mee haha. btw, chio-bu, giggle please. haha i love you all :)

You're the ghost of royalty imposing love

2006-08-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

i can say i was really worried when choo t.c told us about only 7 more weeks till our end-of-years. i'm not even prepared, and i haven't even mastered the previous chapters yet! damn i am going to just die out there. like i'm going to some war without weapons and armours.

ahem ahem my birthday is coming soon! i thought it would be good to remind the dear public. haha, in case you've forgotten, it's on the 27th august. jean toad and me were discussing, since her birthday was on the 24th august, chew's on the 26 august, and mine on the 27th august, we could have a hollaback birthday and since on 27 august at 12:30am, mars can be spotted, we could like go watch the stars or something. how lovely :)

lisatg, thanks for today, my connexio little picture was really hilarious. i would have laughed much harder if i wasn't down. thanks for returning the plate with me although it wasn't mind hahaha. i love <3

ong, lunch today was really confidante-ing. haha whatever that means. thanks dear -- friend. hahaha, if you get what i mean!

peesai, abby, ong, friends, sorry i pangseh-ed you all during recess! i beg for forgiveness :>

bestie, i miss you! have fun at bintan! stupid bestie, taking precious time off from school and me!

i can't imagine living one day without you
i'd rather just lay down and just die
cause all i care about is what i mean to you
sweet baby just knowing you is heaven
i'll always want you in my life

i can't explain, i can't explain the way i feel
you are the rhythm of my heart
and every beat you give is just how i make do
swear girly nothing else could matter
just stay here in my heart

and i'll always love you
deep in my heart
always love you, always love you
and i'll always love you
deep in my heart
always love you, always love you

A rip from ally

2006-08-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

A - Available
yeah, i'm single and available, haha.

B - Best Friend
belinda chua shao hui! (moleys, chewy kids, ketchups, art friends, ld)

C - Crush
you can try guessing.

D - Dad's name
steven

E - Easiest Persons To Talk To
bestie, jean, manda, jamie, mariel, gonghua, ong, lisa, wangling, diana <3

F - Favourite Band
i would say the all american rejects, but seriously, there are too many good bands out there to specifically name one.

G - Gummy Bears or Worms
gummy bears and yupi gummy worms are good :)

H - Hometown
ang mo kio

I - Intruments
used-to-be piano, currently learning drums. and i would like to add pails, luggages and bisquit tins to the list! (if you don't get what i mean, think hollaback)

J - Job
surgeon, designer (i don't know which specific area yet)

K - Kids
hmm i don't know about this.

L - Longest Car Ride
that would be in new zealand.

M - Milk Flavor
chocolate milk!

N - Number Of Siblings
one sister

O - One Wish
wishes won't come true if i say it out. uh can i have more than one, haha?

P - Phobias
sometimes i'm scared of heights. i'm afraid of butterflies/moths various flying insects.

Q - Quote
i know it's 'quote' and not 'quotes' but my three favourites are:
"the same sun melts the wax & hardens the clay." (obs quote), "by letting go, then you can possess something new." (from some drama serial), "happiness can only exist in acceptance" -denis de rougamont

R - Reason To Smile
when i see my friends, when i'm happy :)

S - Song You Last Heard
bella luna by jason mraz

T - Time You Woke Up
6:35am, or somewhat around there.

U - Unknown Fact About Me
uh, recently i've been moodswinging alot! and hahaha i've ever thought about joining cheerleading hahaha! don't laugh.

V - Vegetable
cucumber, lady finger, cup corn!

W - Worst Habits
peeling/biting my nails, procrastinating :<

X - X-Rays
i've done it once before. er, i can say it wasn't the most enjoyable experience, haha.

Y - Your Favorite Foods
western food eg. pasta (bakerzin, pastamania) lasagne (especially uly's haha!), xiao long baos, milo dinosaur/godzilla, french toast (especially the one at taka's central), banana prata, chocolate, churros, fried rice, steak, eggs and many, many more. and i heard that eating peanuts when you're depressed helps!

Z - Zodiac Sign
goat/lamb, virgo :>

I'm holding on forever

2006-08-01T16:41:00.000+08:00

shit, i don't know what i'm running away from. i don't know what's the matter with me. i don't know what i want. i don't know what i plan to do. i don't even know what i'm exactly feeling now.

sigh, why can't everything revert back to where, what and how it was?

Geek in the pink

2006-07-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

i just watched half of high school musical, and i love it already! it's so sweet, troy and gabriella, and their singing is so fabulous. go watch, it'll just melt your heart.

dearest friends, especially gonghua, jean, lisatg, jamie, mariel, chun, abby, ong, andrea, wangling, and diana, thanks for the support, and everything. haha, sorry for my disgusting moods again. i'll get myself back.. soon. i need more distractions!

com meeting was super hilarious today. it cheered me up alot, especially to the last few who stayed till 6:45pm, wangling, diana and pinfang! just slow-mo everything. just like that, haha.

now to keep my promise and study chemistry and maths, ugh :<

close your eyes, tomorrow's on its way.

When there was me and you

2006-07-28T22:26:00.000+08:00

it's funny when you find yourself
looking from the outside
i'm standing here but all i want
is to be over there
why did i let myself believe
miracles could happen
cause now i have to pretend
that i don't really care

i thought you were my fairytale
a dream when i'm not sleeping
a wish upon a star
that's coming true
but everybody else could tell
that i confused my feelings with the truth
when there was me and you

i swore i knew the melody
that i heard you singing
and when you smiled
you made me feel
like i could sing along
but then you went and changed the words
now my heart is empty
i'm only left with used-to-be's
once upon a song

now i know your not a fairytale
and dreams were meant for sleeping
and wishes on a star
just don't come true
cause now even i tell
that i confused my feelings with the truth
cause i liked the view
when there was me and you

i can't believe that
i could be so blind
it's like you were floating
while i was falling
and i didn't mind

cause i liked the view
thought you felt it too
when there was me and you

(high school musical) - this song is so apt. if i were to bold the words, it would be everything.

Because you live

2006-07-23T22:37:00.000+08:00

my horoscope today: "suddenly you'll see whatever has been holding you back. You can easily remove it. like a red flag stuck in the middle of a bright-white snow drift, the problems you need to deal with will suddenly be incredibly obvious today. they'll also be as easy to handle as removing that flag would be. get rid of the obstacles lying in your path by utilizing your excellent sense of humor. telling a well-phrased joke will be more effective (and diplomatic) than a blunt declaration would ever be. you'll clear your way without ruffling any feathers."

i'm so inspired by this song! i feel like dancing, running in the rain, gazing at the stars, shouting random words etc. hahahaha i'm getting high, maybe it's just that i know i'm free from everything! i love this song! i live. (maybe you'll understand better if i say replace the words 'you' with 'i'!) haha, I LIVE!

staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
it's the end of the world in my mind
then your voice pulls me back like a wake-up call
i've been looking for the answer somewhere
i couldn't see that it was right there
but now i know, what i didn't know

because you live and breathe
because you make me believe in myself
when nobody else can help
because you live, girl
my world has twice as many stars in the sky

it's all right, i survived, i'm alive again
cause of you, made it through every storm
what is life, what's the use if you're killing time

i'm so glad i found an angel
someone who was there when all my hopes fell
i wanna fly, looking in your eyes

because you live, i live because you live,
there's a reason why i carry on when i lose the fight
i want to give what you've given me always

because you live and breathe
because you make me believe in myself
when nobody else can help
because you live, girl
my world has everything i need to survive
because you live, i live, i live

Welcome to my life

2006-07-23T21:20:00.001+08:00

i feel like an idiot. and i was right all along, a fucking t-o-y, toy. do i have to spell it out again?

i'm thankful for 'jeanbotic jeanbo' aka my toad.
i'm thankful for having such a great bestie.
i'm thankful for jamiej who's ever so sweet.
i'm thankful for ART! FRIEND! > mariel (niao ji).
i'm thankful for all my friends.
i'm thankful to be in moleys, chewy kids, cheng ho.
i'm thankful for my family.
i'm thankful to be in eldds.
i'm thankful to the lord for giving me life.
i'm thankful for green milo.
i'm thankful for all my favourite things in the world.
i'm thankful to be living in the 21st century.
i'm thankful to have proper toilets.
i'm thankful to have a nokia 6610i handphone.
i'm thankful for my radio, stereo, tv, computer.
i'm thankful to be in a school as great a st. nicholas.
i'm thankful to all the bands who plays my favourites.
i'm thankful to all the singers who sings great songs.
i'm thankful to be alive and kicking.
i'm thankful i can swim, so that i won't drown and die.
i'm thankful that i'm considerably fit and active.
i'm thankful to be able to play drums.
i'm thankful to be able to play tennis.
i'm thankful for having a memory, although it's quite bad.
i'm thankful for being able to go through obs.

okay i'll stop here. i'm not mad but i might just be going insane. i had 10 hours of sleep last night which started out by having two fresh cucumbers on my eyes! then jamie's family came and fetched me to town for lunch with them at around 11am. central's french toast and baked cheese pork rice are delicious.

mental note: a week full of tests/graded assignments next week but with the motivation of pirates next saturday. please cope well!

Pump it

2006-07-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

some photographs of random everythings:

my dear sitting partner, jamiej!

jamiej, me, jean toad <3

fp 1st runner up!

i'm going to jamiej's house tmrw at 11am! hooray i can sit in her sweet-smelling car and eat her mum's delicious cooking haha. then after that, quality time with the little dippers.

on a more serious note, i know can't do without people like my bestie (belinda chua shao hui), jamiej, gonghua, yongs, moleys, chewy kids, ong, diana etc. thank you for everything, and i love you all, for being such good friends. especially to bestie, jamiej, gonghua & yongs :)

if i said i'm smiling like nothing happened, would you believe me?

Rough draft

2006-07-21T22:41:00.000+08:00

like a Saturday night i'll be gone
like a Saturday night i'll be gone
before you knew that i was there

so you wrote it down i'm supposed to care
even though it's never there
sorry if i'm not prepared
is it hard to see the things you substitute
for me and all my thoughts of you
it's eating me alive to leave you

maybe it's childish and maybe it's wrong
but so is your blank stare in lieu of this song
maybe it's childish and maybe it's wrong

don't wanna be, don't wanna be wrong
you're leaving me, you're leaving me in lieu of this song
don't wanna be, don't wanna be wrong
you're leaving me, you're leaving me in lieu of this song

i'm breathing in your skin tonight
quiet is my loudest cry
wouldn't wanna wake the eyes that make me melt inside
and if it's healthier to leave you be
may a sickness come and set me free
kill me while i still believe that you were meant for me

i'm finding my own words, my own little stage
my own epic drama, my own scripted page
i'll send you the rough draft, i'll seal it with tears
maybe you'll read it and i'll reappear
from the start it was shaky and the characters rash,
a nice setting for heartache where emotions come last
all i have deep inside, to overcome this desire
are friendly intentions and fair-weather smiles

and i don't wanna be, don't wanna be wrong
you're leaving me, you're leaving me in lieu of this song
don't wanna be, don't wanna be wrong
you're leaving me, you're leaving me in lieu of this song

like a saturday night i'll be gone
like a saturday night i'll be gone
like a saturday night i'll be gone
like a saturday night I'll be gone
before you knew that i was there

what can i say?

Where'd you go?

2006-07-21T19:26:00.000+08:00

where'd you go?

i miss you so

seems like it's been forever

that you've been gone

she said somedays i feel like shit
somedays i wanna quit and just be normal for a bit
i don't understand why you have to always be gone
i get along but your trips always feel so long
and i find myself trying to stay by the phone
because your voice always helps to not feel so alone
but i feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
and when i pick up i don't have much to say,
so i want you to know it's a little fucked up that
i'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
telling you that i've had it with you and your career
me and the rest of the family here singing

you know, the place where you used to live
used to barbeque up burgers and ribs
used to have a little party every halloween with candy by the pile but now you only stop by every once in a while
shit, i find myself just filling my time
with anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
i'm doing fine
i plan to keep it that way
you can call me if you find that you have something to say
and i'll tell you i want you to know it's a little fucked up that
i'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
telling you that i've had it with you and your career
me and the rest of the family here singing

i want you to know it's a little fucked up that
i'm stuck here waiting, no longer debating
tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
for why you're not around, and feeling so useless
it seems one thing has been true all along
you don't really know what you've got till its gone
i guess i've had it with you and your career
when you come back i won't be here and you can sing it

where'd you go?
i miss you so
seems like its been forever
that you've been gone
please come back home

Miss-you-nights

2006-07-21T18:56:00.000+08:00

i saw a shiny, electric-blue car parked beside a shiny crimson-red car this morning on my way to school. it supposed to mean that i would be having a really good day, but somehow it didn't go as smoothly as i expected/hoped it to/would be.

jamiej, i'm sorry for having you to put up with my whining, my moodswinging, my not-paying-attention then copying your answers, my annoying-ness, my body-there-but-soul-elsewhere situations, my moodiness, for having to put up with me for the past few days!

and i want to thank you for being ever-so-supportive, for giving me advice, for talking things out with me, for listening to my whines, for disciplining me and making me do my work, for letting me not lose myself. thank you!

jean toad, thank you for understanding me so well. thank you for accompanying me to be moody and whiny and yet still be happy and cheer me up when i'm down. thank you frog! iwhisper wouldn't have been so fun without you!

moleys, thank you for plucking the white stress hairs on my head out during recess! and i appreciate you all for supporting me always and i'm really grateful to have friends like moleys! moley rocks, aye!

bestie, i'm sorry bee, i haven't been telling you alot of my problems recently. i'll update you about everything that's on my mind soon okay? i'm so shit sorry.

to all my friends, i'm sorry for the moodiness for the past, uh, 3 days. i promise i will pull myself together and you'll see a happy me on monday, and hopefully, the whole of next week (even though it's filled with graded assignments and tests)!

i miss you so,
seems like it's been forever,
that you've been gone.
where'd you go?

Purest of pain

2006-07-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

my horoscope for 19 july:
"it's time to evaluate your situation. there's something you've been working on with another person - either a relationship or a work-related project - and it's just not moving forward the way it should be. usually, the best tactic is to keep going on; but now, the idea is that if you continue to chip away at this obstacle, it will eventually crumble. but there's a time to admit when something is futile and move on, and that time could be today."

playgrounds, shooting stars, milo dinosaurs, swings.

strange enough, last night's sky was so clear, not a single cloud blocking my view of stars at all. i wonder, does shooting stars' wishes work? i've wished twice yesterday and i hope it will come true. the stars seemed like it was dropping.. stars don't fall, please? if not there won't be anymore stars left to shine in the sky at night :(

i'm sorry i didn't mean to call but i couldn't fight it
i guess i was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so i surrender just to hear your voice
i know how many times i've said
i'm gonna live without you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me i feel like i'm dying
i have to see you, that's all i'm asking

recently i've been hooked onto this song. it's so tragic, but i still love the song, maybe because it can relate to me so well. the purest of pain. after school today was secondary 3 committee interview. it went alright, i guess. tomorrow's going to be shit because i won't be able to see much of darling, ugh :(

vida, give me back my fantasies
the courage that i need to live
the air that i need to breathe
carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my days are so cold and lonely
and each night i taste
the purest of pain

the purest form of pain. what is it?

I'm good

2006-07-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

"the night is still young", said my chiszle art friend.

friends. best friends. art friends. nice friends. close friends. lovely friends.

friends who care for you when you're down. friends who love you for who you are. friends who stick by you no matter what happens, through thick and thin. friends who laugh with you. friends who make you smile when you're down. friends who can make you laugh till you roll on the floor and get abs. friends who share gossip and secrets with you. friends who disciplines you. friends who advices you from the right and the wrong, etc.

friends who leaves you when you are down. friends who leaves you in a misunderstanding. friends who are not sincere in being friends with you. friends who don't care what trouble you are in. friends who put you into trouble. friends who are hypocritical and two-faced. friends who influences you to the bad, etc.

but no matter what, friends are still friends. no matter how bad they are to you, friends are still friends and forever, you can't deny the fact that they are friends.

let's just drop the past. can we still be friends?

Quiet is my loudest cry

2006-07-16T16:13:00.000+08:00

friday:
"chij st nicholas girls' school presents.. we didn't start the fire!"
"when you turn on the bunsen burner, you have to.."
"this (claps) is fire prevention!"
"fire prevention is a shared responsibility!"
"the best actress award goes to diana nai!"
"the first runner up is.. chij st. nicholas girls' school!"

saturday: tennis was slack. then followed by lunch at bakerzin (currently my favourite restaurant) with my sister. i ate pork escalope with pasta, it was so delicious i tell you. i crave for more! then after class at around 4:40pm, i met up with my dearest and we went to bakerzin to get dessert, haha. i had the warm chocolate cake which i highly recommended! darling had the hazelnut steamer and cookies and cream cheesecake, which was also very delicious. darling sent me home and the ride back was really hilarious. so, we can just fall into the manhole together!

thank you dearest for the pretty volcom top and the chocolate :)

sunday: little dippers ministry (aka ldm) meeting in the morning @ 8am in church. jamiej, michelle, sarah yip, hazel, chris goh, justin, denis, chris oh were in little dippers. maria's really energetic and really high, like she's always having a good day (like my 13 july). i wish i could constantly be so happy like her! then jamiej and i started talking about people who are constantly happy, and one of them is gonghua.

the whole group of us took a bus down to anderson junior college and it was some sports event. it was fun playing dodgeball, running in the relay and coming in last. when it poured, we all migrated to the basketball courts and there, denis was our mickey mouse mascot.
-

currently: i'm feeling quite > :(
is it a moodswing? here's a song for you.

is it hard to see the things you substitute
for me and all my thoughts of you

i'm finding my own words, my own little stage
my own epic drama, my own scripted page
i'll send you the rough draft, i'll seal it with tears
maybe you'll read it and i'll reappear

from the start it was shaky and the characters rash,
a nice setting for heartache where emotions come last
all i have deep inside, to overcome this desire
are friendly intentions and fair-weather smiles

i hate being moody. when i'm moody i just eat alot, and i'm supposed to be on a diet. i want to be abnormally happy, abnormally excited and abnormally high about everything! like maria. i want to smile all the time and be happy, even for no reason. i really loved 13 july. i was just so damn happy for no reason at all. just H-A-P-P-Y, happy.

when you're happy you have the motivation to do everything and conquer everything in the world. when you're happy you're so confident of yourself and everything just goes right in an abnormal way. for any eyelash wishes or 'quick touch green and say tic/tac/toe', i'd wish for happiness. and you must think i'm mad.

we're in a spell that never ends
the empty hourglass wore me thin
so let the phone do it's work
your voice is heaven but it hurts
your words are memories but they burn

Say goodnight

2006-07-13T22:10:00.000+08:00

today = "wonderful, terribly (good), fabulous" !!!

i woke up in the morning, timely and bright for school today, (my morning callers worked) with a happy feeling in the pit of my stomach, kind of knowing everything would be really good today, and it was!

i don't know why i'm so happy but i know there are many factors contributing to my constant happiness. people/things like my darling, my sitting partner jamiej, moleys, jamiej's ipod, the song the world is black, sugary bread, ketchups, cup corn, fire prevention, green milo, milo dinosaur, sweet msgs, adobe photoshop, free periods, the song "good day", paul twohill, wangling's mcdonald speech, more funny rumours, etc.

subject + milo dinosaur = poker cards! (go figure)

haha, i am so furiously in love with everything today. rice husband literature presentation, infomercial on iwhisper and fire prevention finals tomorrow. may i pray that everything goes abnormally right tomorrow too?

one big smile for today > :)

Your hands are mine to hold

2006-07-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

for one thing, i wasn't able to blog about the stage interview during ld yesterday. i think it went fine, in fact, it was kind of fun and not that stressful. except for maybe a rude, impolite person who just turned her back against me while i was up there talking? go ahead and guess who she is, i bet you'll get it right. i mean, why show so much disrespect to others when in the end, everyone's just going to look down on your childishness for being disrespectful on purpose? come on, be civil!

fire prevention finals is on friday. please let us win!

i'm going to knock-out now, although it's only 11:25pm. morning callers, darling & jamiej, please don't forget to call me @ 6:25am & 6:45am respectively. if not, i might just waste my life doing cwo. that is, if i am late again.

someone please start a "late-prevention". then my art friends will give the weak laugh. hee hee!

Carino mio

2006-07-12T00:40:00.000+08:00

eating popo fish crackers is just going to gain me a whole lot of fats. one packet soley costs less than 10 cents, but it holds 140g of calories, "what the fuck?" haha. but i am going to gain weight. just leave a packet of famous amos cookies there and i'll just gobble up the whole packet. fuck and when i'm typing my blog post halfway, my mum have to get out of bed and scold me and say, "i'm going to call up miss praba. why are you always sleeping so late at night?"

she just made my mood go from :) to :( and now i'm just going to sleep with wrinkles and frowns on my face. ugh what an annoying annoying @#^?@!.

i know how many times i said
i'm gonna to live without you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me, i feel like i'm dying
i have to see you, it's all that i'm asking

vida, give me back my fantasy
the courage that i need to live
the air that i breathe
carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night i taste the purest of pain

darling, i miss you :(

A life for wasting

2006-07-11T01:51:00.000+08:00

study session today wasn't the most productive one. i'm becoming a nocturnal animal; so weary and tired in the day, so awake at night. i am officially going crazy. watch out! and i'm suddenly stuck to so many all american reject's songs. they are all so beautiful :>

blank face little girl
your colors running down
it's the one you love
cry out my world, this copulated kiss
it's the last that you deserve

i've done wrong
i've been gone
it's the one you love
drink down and your candles burn
away, away

dreaming you, is so easy, yeah
if it was up to me, then you would cry tonight
if it was up to you

take you, take me
i can't go with you now
don't you wish i'd try
left just a trace, it's growing colder still
so kiss yourself goodbye

dreaming you, is so easy, yeah
if it was up to me, then you would cry tonight
when it's up to you, you kiss yourself goodbye

let go, push your daisies
a thousand maybes, a thousand left i'm done
a white glow, just for tasting
a life for wasting
it's the one you love
and i look into your eyes,
it's the one you love

you would cry tonight
so kiss yourself goodbye

My mind is just a crutch

2006-07-09T15:23:00.000+08:00

i am going to blog about yesterday, 8th July 2006.

the day went as normal as it could be. tennis in the morning as usual, and then after that i met up with my princess for a while before i went home to get ready for tuition. mango snapple and mcflurry (mcfuzzy/mcfunky) tastes great together! haha.

next was the usual, learning lab, followed by the CC4's confirmation mass. i sat with dear jamiej because ally the peesai, as usual, pangseh-ed me! haha. we talked like almost throughout the entire mass. loo the peesai also came, and she (abit) just ignored us, but after all that is the peesai's nature, cold, ignoring & sinister.

at night, mum confiscated my phone because of the soaring high phone bills. and when she finally relented and gave it back to me, miss calls and msgs were many from my darling & she thought i had fallen asleep, haha. by the way, get well soon, kelly!

i was just bored. this was how the conversation on the phone by smsing went.

(me @ 11:53pm) Hi. This is Julia's mother. Julia has been admitted to the hospital. Are you Eliza Jamie? (the part about jamie's name being eliza's second name is another long story!)

(eliza @ 11:54pm) yes this is, may i know what happened to her?

(me @ 11:58pm) She had a hip injury n today her right hip had a bone fracture when she banged into the table. Please don't tell anyone because we don't want her friends to worry.

(eliza @ 12:02am) oh gosh. may i know if she's alright? would it be possible for me to visit her in the hospital? i'm just asking out of concern as a friend, if it's inconvenient i will understand.

(me @ 12:08am) You seem to be her very close friend.. I'm sure she'll appreciate you going down to visit her, but you are secondary 4 year and we do not want you to take the trouble. She is feeling better and is now asleep. Doctor says she will be discharged on monday.

(eliza @ 12:19am) yes, i am her eldds senior and we've worked together in producitions and plays before so i'm pretty close to her and a few other friends from sec three as well as sec four. and sometimes when she has problems regarding maths or literature she would ask me or some of our sec four friends and we've learnt it before. it's okay, i assure you it's fine for me to go down to visit her. it will not be much of a hassle, don't worry. if it's convenient and fine with you, is it okay if i know where is she admitted to and what time are the visiting hours? i'm so sorry if i am bothering you so late in the night.

(me @ 12:23am) would you be very angry with me if i said i was pulling your leg? :) don't be angry okay okay okay okay? i just miss you so much that i'm going insane. haha. are you angry? i love you darling.

(eliza @ 12:37am) IDIOT! not funny okay? seriously not funny! bloody hell did you know you scared the crap out of me and i cried like mad and you tell me you're pulling my leg?!?
-

then she didn't reply me after a long while even though i msged her 4 times straight, and then i called her and sat in my wardrobe, afraid that my mum or my sister would find out i'm talking on the phone at 1am.

she told me she cried when she saw the first msg sent by my "mum", and then (abit) i started crying too and we starting laughing and crying and (abit) just starting talking about everything for almost one hour, and then because of my expensive phone bills, we didn't talk any longer.

i'm just a singer, you're the world
all i can bring you
is the language of a lover

may i suggest you get the best
of your wish may i insist
that no contest for little you or smaller i
a larger chance said but all them they lie
on the rise, on the brink of our lives

i love you darling <3

Hold your breath now it's stacking up

2006-07-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

i don't mean to sound emo or anything, but i am so bloody tired of everything. you, you and you, this and that, here and there etc. please, just shut up and mind your own business!

oh great, and i have a whole list of overdue homework, and homework/projects due tomorrow.
hold your breath now it's stacking up

then i'll assure myself later at 2am, "don't worry, i'll survive. i'll live through it."

by the way, i want my milo dinosaur now, it smells pleasant, sweet & so fucking nice. i want it now before my tongue drops off :)

This is a story of a girl

2006-07-05T20:49:00.000+08:00

today when i got out of bed, i just knew that today would be a good day. oh & thanks jamie for the nescafe ice coffee!

my daily horoscope today: everything looks great when you wake up today, but situations might start to unravel as the day progresses. you don't have to worry too much about it - the unraveling is a symptom of the changes and growth you're going through, and it's to be expected. but when things get unstable, you should be prepared. get your priorities in order so if you need to act quickly, you can. you might have to cancel some fun evening plans to take care of business.

although little time was spent together with my princess, it really brightened, refreshed and made my day when i met her right outside the school hall in the morning before assembly! haha, it really was a coincidence. and now i miss my darling :(

'o' level oral went quite alright, i didn't screw up so badly & i might just get a merit. this concludes that milo dinosaurs are motivating! and i finally talked to art friend today. now to work on rice husband literature presentation, fire prevention & secondary 4 farewell party.

and i have to face two shits tomorrow and the days of my life to come and act like i give no damn. what fun.

The world is black

2006-07-04T21:45:00.000+08:00

while the whole world is going on around me, i didn't know there were so many things going on backstage. there's so much and more to people that i just knew. so maybe we are enemies, but do you have to be a bitch?

and what am i going to do about it? i don't know, but i am not going to let it affect me. after all, i've learnt in obs that "the same sun melts the wax, but also hardens the clay!"

wish me luck for my chinese 'o' level oral tomorrow. i am just going to screw up, i know it :(

we come into this world
and we all are the same
in that moment there's no one to blame

but the world is black
and hearts are cold
and there's no hope
that's what we're told
and we can't go back
it won't be the same
forever changed
by the things we've seen, seen

living in this place it's always been this way
there's no one doing nothing so there's nothing changed
and i can't live when this world just keeps dying
it's dying

people always tell me this is part of the plan
that god's got everybody in his hands
but i can only pray that god is listening
is he listening?

we're living in this world
growing colder everyday
nothing can stay perfect now i see

to you know who you are, listen to pop princess, not sjf okay? i love you baby <3

Hold on

2006-07-04T02:00:00.000+08:00

straighten up little soldier
stiffen up that upper lip
what you crying about
you got me

darling, i hope talking to manpin will help get the load of things off your chest. i know this hasn't been the best of the days for you & me, so let's just forget about it okay? i know you're feeling really screwed now, and so am i. but we'll live through it together so stiffen that upper lip & hold on tight!

hold on if you feel like letting go,
hold on it gets better than you know.
hold on!

i love you, princess :)
making me smile.

You need a blue sky holiday

2006-07-03T18:36:00.000+08:00

sometimes the system goes on the blink
and the whole thing turns out wrong

sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing turns out wrong, but you just don't really know what is the matter. i'm feeling that way now, screwed up & pissed with everything and anything. maybe i'm just having a bad day. and this isn't even a school day. it's an effing youth day holiday, what the fuck? plus i'm having 'o' levels chinese oral this wednesday.

alongside emo, gorging myself with marigold mango jelly and slurpee doesn't help. i've cut my hair, everyone's going to be surprised tomorrow, haha. right now i'm going off to shower. sorry for the angsty, emotional post. meanwhile, i'll try to maintain a smile!

thanks bestie, thanks diana :)

i know i'm being selfish. i'm sorry, but i really can't help it. and i don't want to give up on you.

i think i need a time-out. for a while.

Tiger lily

2006-07-02T14:45:00.000+08:00

yesterday was just lots of love with my darling around. i'll never forget the drama studio, haha. i'm so > :) hahaha

it's youth day tomorrow, guess who i'm spending it with. haha, this is such an obvious give away but i seriously don't want to care anymore. if you like it, just spread the rumours, aye. after all, it's your life.

why does tonight have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favourite parts
we'll skip the goodbyes
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i!

(5th june, 1st july)

Why can't I

2006-07-02T14:12:00.000+08:00

get a load of me, get a load of you
walkin' down the street,
and i hardly know you
it's just like we were meant to be

holding hands with you when we're out at night
got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
and i've got someone waiting too

what if this is just the beginning
we're already wet,
and we're gonna go swimming

why can't i breathe whenever i think about you
why can't i speak whenever i talk about you
it's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
so tell me
why can't i breathe whenever i think about you

isn't this the best part of breaking up
finding someone else you can't get enough of
someone who wants to be with you too

it's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
but wouldn't it be beautiful

here we go, we're at the beginning
we haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning

why can't i breathe whenever i think about you
why can't i speak whenever i talk about you
it's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
so tell me
why can't i breathe whenever i think about you

high enough for you to make me wonder
where it's going
high enough for you to pull me under
something growing out of this that we can control
baby i am dying

why can't i breathe whenever i think about you
why can't i speak whenever i talk about you

why can't i breathe whenever i think about you
why can't i speak whenever i talk about you
it's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
so tell me
why can't i breathe whenever i think about you

This perfect romance that I've created in my mind

2006-07-01T09:03:00.000+08:00

open house today, the fire prevention girls will be there @ the drama studio from 12pm to 4pm, so catch us if you can!

yesterday was quite happening. i had additional maths test in school & after that was the fire prevention competition. fire prevention, we're in the finals! whoopeedoodee! haha. and i am going to fail my test & get like less than 5/20, and i have to work much, much harder. somehow my momentum is gone. i must get it back soon, or else i'll just be retained at the end of year :(

this perfect romance that i've created in my mind
i'd live a thousand lives each one with you right by my side
but yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance
and so it seems like we'll never have the chance

Wonderwall

2006-06-30T02:09:00.000+08:00

it's bloody 2:06am in the morning! hahaha, getting depressed is getting high. & everyone's suspecting, but somehow, i don't seem to want to care. do i seem irresponsible? oh, whatever i'm so tired of everything.

fire prevention is a shared responsibility! tomorrow, we the fire prevention girls are going to rock the stage with our screaming begging. not to forget, the good, nice, responsible senior is coming along to help us press a button. haha, want to guess who she is?

i've recently realised i have great friends who are irreplaceable. people like my bestie, people like diana :)

to you know who you are, stop listening to wonderwall & go to bed. okay? <3

It's better when I bleed for you

2006-06-28T18:05:00.000+08:00

you know, sometimes, the unexpected happens. you never really thought it would have turned out this way, and when you don't expect something, usually, you don't prepare for it to happen.

i can say i wasn't prepared at all. maybe i was, but when you're feeling confused, when you're feeling so screwed up, you just can't think straight anymore, and everything just blanks out and you don't know what you're doing, and you don't know which is the correct path to choose, and when you take the wrong path and try to step backwards, you can't and you have to keep going forward.

but before you could make a decision, things happen so fast that everything's a blur and you don't even know what's happening. it's like you're there, but you're not. you're listening but you're not paying attention, and then suddenly this person just stabs you in your back.

this person is my friend. i've just found out about her true colours. this friend of mine, i don't know, is she even considered a friend, now that i realised she's a bloody hypocrite? do i have to act along and pretend everything is fine, when it's not?

and then i'll tell myself, maybe she has her reasons in doing so, like everyone has their reasons for doing anything. maybe, she's just jealous. maybe, she just didn't know the whole truth. maybe, she just wanted to break the two of us up. maybe, she just wants attention. maybe, she just doesn't like me. the list goes on.

seriously, i feel like hitting her damn hard, but i'm not allowed, i can't and i don't want to do it. i'm not hurt because of the rumours, but more of the friendship that we've had, and she just had to break it. she just had to stab my back. alright, just go on. just continue with the stabbing of my back, wait for me to bleed, because then she'll be happy. just continue stabbing, until i lie dead. then i hope you'll be satisfied, you fucking bitch.

you hid it all so well, but the more you hide it, and the more it is exposed, the more ugly side of you will get. if you want, keep up the acting & i'll just play along. i'm fine with it.

my friend, i will fucking just play along.
because, after all, i am strong!

stab my back
it's better when i bleed for you
you walk on me
it never was enough to do